WEEK ONE: Forensics, Fangirls and Family

Me to everyone who didn’t have the author’s back when they should’ve been looking out for her

There are so many reasons why people cut off contact with close and distant family. Some are immediately legible in description, others are not, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that contact became unendurable, damaging, or, in my case, brought out the very worst in who I was. As you’ll see in the answers below, it is rarely swift. It is rarely without pain. But that doesn’t mean it’s not necessary.

Nowadays, a picture of my mother hangs on a vase in the kitchen. Sometimes, my father will turn to her and ask her a question — perhaps about a recipe or, more critically, what to do next. He’ll imagine her response and we’ll eat the dishes she used to love. My parents didn’t have a perfect relationship, but they had recipes to tie them together. My father isn’t a perfect father, but he pours out his love for us in the form of Taiwanese dinner. At his table, we’re home too.

  • on how grief becomes a marker for the passage of time: Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper have a thoughtful and honest conversation reflecting upon their own grieving process. Starting from around 11:54, Cooper tells Colbert how he wishes his grief was a visible mark on his body to indicate how he is different from who he was “meant to be”; to which Colbert replies, “But you’re entirely the person you’re meant to be.”
  • on holding onto our loved ones: Andrew Garfield tells Colbert how he hopes the grief will stay with him forever because “it’s all the unexpressed love [he] didn’t get to tell [his mother]”. The snippet starts from 4:20

“…because aunts are unencumbered by a defined role or by the social pressures on parents, they have more freedom to “take us off into other directions, show us what else could be”; they can take on a normative maternal role if they choose or they can “liberate us from ideas about family relationships that hold us back, that don’t recognise the realities of how we actually live”. For Sotirin, aunts, whether mothers themselves or not, are “sort of leading the way in terms of opening up not only what women can become, but how families can change and what it means to be part of communities”.

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Tina V

Tina V

I spend too much time online and desperately want to do a reflection and dump of the many amazing, amazingly shocking, and shockingly bad things I come across.